Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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