Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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