she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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