I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
