glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
