things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
