just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
