yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
