Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
