so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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