haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
