How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im holly from the hills drunk
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
