We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
its liver damage thursday
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
