Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
