i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
