how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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