thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
