One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
