Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
