lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
