butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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