you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
