Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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