God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
