Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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