I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
