I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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