Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
