can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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