Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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