Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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