Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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