drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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