Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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