So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
