Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
