You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
