there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
