Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
