I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
