I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
