he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
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