Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
