i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
