last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
