Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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