Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
