you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
