There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
