We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
