if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
