we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
