The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
