your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
